I've been so busy and out of my element lately. I've had a ton of school work and I'm having problems understanding the things we're working on in my math class. I've had swim practice every night and can't forget about talking to your friends and primetime television! To blow off a little steam, I thought I'd do a post about all the stupid crap I deal with.
Money- Because I don't have a steady income, I live off of birthday money and whatever my parents give me when I leave the house. This makes buying things difficult(obviously). I have long list of things I want and only $200 left from my birthday. The $200 was going to go towards my homecoming dress but now I'm not going to homecoming (this is also part of the melodrama). Because I'm not going, I don't have to spend it, but I probably will. Then I'll have to ask for money for christmas again this year. So along with school stress, swimming stress and friends, I worry about where my income is going to come from.
Music- My one true love. Music is an amazing thing. I used to just listen and not think about what I was hearing but I'm starting to realize that music connects so many people. Music also helps you drown out other people. It's nice to be able to get out your iPod and not have to hear the endless chatter of your classmates in the morning (I'm not a morning person). Lately, I haven't been listening to music as much as feeling it. I love it when a song makes you feel happy, sad, angry, or like you can do anything. I think going to see so many of my favorite bands this summer helped me to understand how much work goes into just one of the songs that I listen to over and over again. I think I want to learn to play guitar or something... oh, wait I have no time or natural musical talent.
Teenage Melodrama- When I say "melodrama", I'm not saying that my friends or people around me are dramatic or I don't like them, it's just I'm getting more and more dramatic everyday and everything is a huge deal. Well, not everything. School is a big deal. Grades are a big fucking deal. The other night, I had a dream that I ended up going to a community college. Honestly, never getting away from home is one of my biggest fears (Failure is the biggest fear I have). I have this awful image of myself working at like, Walmart for the rest of my life because I screwed up in high school. I don't want that.
I'm doing very well in all of my classes except one. Geometry. I've boomed 2 quizes and I have a chapter test tomorrow. I'm freaking out. My parents have told me since I started school that math is the most important subject, and now I'm having major issues with it. I've never had any real problems with school until now and I have no idea what to do... On top of regular school stuff, PSAT's are next week. I haven't even had time to look at the practice test. I smell an epic fail in the making. *heavy sigh*
What I really wish (and I know this is silly) is that I had some kind of amazing musical, or artistic talent to rocket me to sucess. I'd even take a modeling or acting talent, just as long as I won't have to worry about school.
I really just want to not have to worry about grades and tests. I've given myself a headache. Time to finish this up... Money is the enemy, Music is my escape, and the Melodrama that is my life is makeing my wish I had a talent I know I'll never find.
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